FYI

In my heart, I truly doubt that I will ever hear from you ever again for the rest of my life until the day I die. That is why I chose to pick up my belongings and return that which belongs to you . It is easier that way when I don't hear back from you on the 23rd, I can say that I knew in my heart I was right all along.

I know you. I know your pride. I know your disconection with your feelings and you NEVER ever want to face them. You , my friend, are a truly deeply troubled person who has demons I can not even begin to fathom.

You will eventually straighten whatever is wrong with your head or not; and you, as always, will get on with your life as you always do, NEVER pining away on whatever you don't have anymore. I know how you are, the stories you told me came straight from the horse's mouth.

I don't know the other terrible stuff that you did in your life that you can't tell me. I thought that you fucking your brother's wife and then denying it when he asked you was bad enough, or you stabbing a guy with a knife in the arm, or you spitting on some poor girl who was in love with you and came to see you because she just wanted your affection, or you forcing that little boy eat dog shit or you being in jail for stealing or selling drugs was all horrible stuff, but there is worse stuff???

I ended up spending my New Years Eve all alone very sad and broken hearted. What a way to start my new year. That night when I realized I was NOT ever going to be the person you wanted me to be NOR was I ever going to be able to give you what you wanted at this point in your life, I realized I was wasting your time.

I had to go home. I had to let you go because I knew you would never do it. You were willing to settle for me. My heart aches for you and for me and I will miss us. I thought I could live in the moment with you, but realized YOU couldn't and that you needed to be with a woman who NEEDS you desperately because she feels she is "out of time" and willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy to keep you.

I can't and won't sacrifice myself like that. If I can't be happy within myself, then I can't be happy with you. All those stories of you with all those women at work who constantly want to be with you and are chasing you around, now they have their chance. You can finally take them out to lunch and be with them and you can find the ONE for you. You don't have to try to make me insecure and jealous anymore with your stories to get what you want from me. You now have what you want and needed all this time. You have your freedom to do whatever you want to do to find a woman who will do whatever you want her to do. You need to find someone who is desperate to get married and be committed to you the way you needed me to be.

I hope you have a good life. I wish you no ill. The past 10 years has been nice, it was fun while it lasted. I hope you find someone who wants to marry you right away and give you the security and future that I couldn't give you.

Unfortunately, me loving you wasn't enough for you, hopefully whoever Miss Right is for you, she will be charming, funny, loving, committed, sweet, kind, considerate, and everything I couldn't be for you.

Good luck to you and your future wife and your future life. You think I am the only person who kind of understands you, but it is just that you never gave anyone else a chance to get to know you. Open your mind and your heart, she will come to you.

There are many beautiful women out there who want to be with you on YOUR terms, and won't be selfish like me, with limits. You will find her. Keep an open mind and it will happen. Trust me.