Sunday, March 22, 2009

If you don't laugh out loud....when you read this, you are in a coma!

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at  the office. I know you've been feeling down  lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel  powered industrial water heater.  This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver Through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.  What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water.. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn.  I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.  

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.  I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.  

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.  

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.  Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'  Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!

Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm putting my wishes out to the universe...

I want to be with my J**** again. I want to work through our problems and make them right. I want to understand his needs and his wants. I wonder if he know how much I really do love him and want to be with him and grow old with him. I wonder if he realizes how much I miss him and wish he were back in my arms again and how much I long to hugs him and tell him how much I missed him and how happy I am that we are back together again and going to make it through this rough time and that we didn't waste 10 years of our life together, it was, what it was and from here on out it can only get better for us. I put this out in to the universe so that our time apart will be cut shorter yet...I put this out into the universe that you will want to call me and talk to me and tell me everything is going to be okay between us and that you love me even more than you did before and that this time away has made you realize how much we should be together. I love you so very much Poopie-kins!! You will always be my heart...you are and always will be!!

Daily Teachings from the Secret by Rhonda Byrne

Whatever feeling you have within you are attracting your tomorrow.

Worry attracts more worry. Anxiety attracts more anxiety. Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness. Dissatisfaction attracts more dissatisfaction.

AND...

Joy attracts more joy. Happiness attracts more happiness. Peace attracts more peace. Gratitude attracts more grattitude. Kindness attracts more kindness. Love attracts more love.

Your job is an inside one. To change your world, all you have to do is change the way you feel inside. How easy is that?