Dear MOTHER: When you were busy screwing up my life as a kid...

no one was breathing down your neck telling you that everything you were doing was wrong and correcting and criticizing you in front of your kid at every turn! No one criticized you while you were screwing up my life and affecting me as an adult to this very day!!

I still love you, however, you can't fool me with your "I only did what I thought was best for you at the time because I didn't have anyone helping me or telling me what I was doing was right or wrong, so I made some mistakes. I wish I had someone to guide me like I am trying to guide you."

That bullshit is all fine and dandy, if you want to believe it. But I don't. You stiffled my creativity by chastizing my colorful imagination and kept telling me to stop acting so stupid all the time and told me to act normal. What is normal? Wasn't I just being like any other ordinary kid?

You put fear in my tender soul by buring my wee little 3-year-old feet with cigarettes because I was pidgeon-toed. I remember being trapped in my highchair and you would bring my seat close to the table so you could sit at the table and smoke after dinner. Then, when you'd notice that my feet had turned in, so as you would not have to get up or give me the chance to straighten them out before you got to me, you could quickly burn my feet without any warning because all you had to do was reach down with the red-hot cigarette and touch it to my delicate little feet. I couldn't reach my feet to console myself or them because the tray prevented me from touching and rubbing them. I remember crying because of the pain. You never knew I had nightmare of being burned to death, did you?

You ask me the other day, "What kind of mother are you who won't buy your own child any of his personal hygene products?" I now in turn ask you, "What kind of mother are you who burns a child with a red-hot cigarette because she is pigeon-toed??".

My ansewer to your question is that I believe since he says he is 18 years old, an adult since the state has legally declared him one and that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and I can't tell him what to do anymore and since he is someone who disrespects me and threathens me with physical bodily harm and verbally abuses me, I don't think I OWE him anything anymore, after all, he is his own man now so he should pay his own bills and I won't tell him what to do anymore.

Talking about my past, you truly made me believe that I was a right-handed person all my life and I couldn't figure out why I was so awkward and clumsy. You "FIXED" me by smacking my hand and bereting me with "you like to act like you are a left-handed person", "stop acting like you are a left-handed person" and "you like pretend you are left-handed" everytime I reached for an object with my left hand.

You were never patient with me each time I could not understand something like my times tables, you called me names like "dummy" and "stupid" and went further to asked me if I was stupid, so I said I must be because I don't understand this and therefore you'd smacked me in the head because I didn't understand it. I guess you were hoping by smacking me in the head you were helping me instead??

I lived with you now because I thought that was what you wanted (because you were twisting my arm to come home). And since you are a controlling person, who ALWAYS gets what they want and because I am a weak person, who always seems to do what I am told to do just like an obedient child, I came home as directed to. Also the fact that you caught me at a vunerable stage in my life you slipped in and started to take control over it doing what you do best.

Oh yes, I admit, I have rebeled in the past, just like a child because I get sick of your harsh words and negative criticism! I am always the "bad" person! I am always the one who has done "bad" things, but in all your hypocracy, you tell me I need to be forgiving with my child's past "bad" deeds and what he has done wrong to me, yet every chance you get you you hang on to every single thing that I have done wrong in my past and rub it in my face and beret me with it making me feel like (as always, which I think is your hurtful purposeful intention) a worthless human being and a failure as a parent. You try to embarrass me in front of my friends on purpose by saying these things in front of them.

You are quick to pass judgement on me without knowing the whole story or even the truth. You'd rather believe your grandson over me, because we all know he is a liar and lives in a fantasy world, but you want to show your support for him because you feel sorry for him because I am a bad parent.

You want to live in your own little fantasy world and blame me for everything that has gone wrong in my son's life. Of course, it couldn't be that you've disempowered me in front of my kid every chance you got by ORDERING me to do the exact opposite when I tried to discipline him. Which in turn, set him against me, making you superior to me in his eyes. You have DONE ME WRONG and yet you have your nerve to point your finger at me! You are a fraud!

You think that because he says that he is unloved by me, he couldn't possible be skewed in his thinking because you repsect how he feels. What about respect for how I feel? I have done everything for this kid no matter what he has done or said to me. I have always forgiven him even when he didn't ask for forgiveness. I have loved him unconditionally in the past and I still do, no matter what he has done to me or called me.

You were never supportive and still are not when he screams in my face and calls me a fucking bitch because he didn't get his way. You have never tried to stop him and tell him what he was doing was wrong. Instead you force me to give in to him so you can have "peace" in the home and say it is me that is the disruptive cause of the problem. You want to ignore it and place blame on me and think I must have done something wrong to him to deserve it or he wouldn't do it to me, however, when he does it to you, you feel it is my fault because there is NOTHING you did wrong to him other than tell him you weren't doing something for him. Talk about skewed.

I won't argue that something is definitely wrong with him. It is obvious. To me, it is nothing that a little consistent discipline and rules can't fix without you butting you two worthless cents in.

I will soon be out from under your thumb! I will soon be free from you talons and spread my wings and be free of you and live by my OWN rules!