Someone recently asked me when the last time I was truly happy. I had to stop and think about it. I haven't been truly happy in a very long time. I mean, things are okay and all, but they could always be better. I noticed, for myself, the people who aren't that happy (to me personally) are always trying to tell me how to fix myself and my life.
I noticed that even my son is always telling me how I need to change. I think that I change so much that I don't know who I am at times. I change for each individual that I am around. I think that I try to be more like them when I am around them that I begin to actually lose myself and who I truly am.
I began to workout again after almost 6 years of doing no exercise. My exercise before going back to the gym was actually just getting up and out of bed in the morning. (WHOA!!!) I began to have body aches and pains and was uncomfortable in my own body. I somehow managed to gain about 45 lbs. in about 5 years.
I was usually a svelt 105lbs. and a size 3 at 5' 6 3/4" since high school and even after giving birth to my son. Needless to say, that was 6 years ago, then, this past November, with the nudging of a friend, I decided to join a gym. I have lost most of the 45lbs. of fat that I had gained, but I am not back into a size 3, but a size 4 or 6 will be fine with me. I do, however, weigh more than I did before but am much more fit than I was at 105 lbs. I am working on getting my 6-pack abs back and have gotten the first two cuts. It is really exciting for me considering 45 lbs. on my small 5' 6 3/4" frame made me look lumpy and dumpy.
Anyway, I feel good about my loss of weight and I haven't even had to change my diet. I didn't ever really eat bad, but I didn't exercise either. I was a person who ran 40 miles a week before and felt guilty when I didn't get in my workout. Now, I have balance my life and my work and still manage to workout too. So, I guess I can't actually complain. I still look young, for a 39 year old (who will soon be 40 in March). People still think that I am a lot younger than I am, they think I am in my mid-twenties. I guess that is good.
Anyway, for the most part I don't like the way a lot of people take advantage of me. My family and my friends most of all. I would say that they most fair-minded people in my life are my bosses. Yes, I have two of them. I would say, for the most part, that they are two of the best bosses anyone could ever ask for. I think that they are pretty cool people for bosses.
Anyway, these are my thoughts for today before I "sign-off" (read: sleep). I pray to any higher powers out there that hears my prayers to help my son become a nicer person toward me. I ask of that higher power to guide him in his daily life and help him to mature and "see the light". I pray for his safety and for for health. I pray for his metal well-being and for more self-control.
My son, he is not a bad person, however, he does have the propensity to swears at me, calls me names, and screams obsenities at me when he doesn't get his way. He has no self-control, he blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life, and for the things he does wrong that I "cause" him to do, such as yelling at me. He says he has to do it is because I don't do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it and it is the only way he can get through to me (although he still doesn't get his way).
See, according to my POV, since I am the parent, I get the unfortunate "last word"! And that is final. He says that I am too stubborn to change my ways. He believes that we could get along much better if it weren't for my STUBBORNESS. He truly believes that if I would just listen to him and his advice and do what he wants me to, then he wouldn't have to treat me "that way". He believes that he is not responsible for his actions and how he treats me because it is my fault because I don't "listen" to him and I make him mad. See, I am the cause of his angst towards me and he has nothing to do with it.
So, to any higher powers out there in this vast universe, please help me to help him. Please guide me and give me temperance to endure this horrrible "stage" and patience to go forth in my life. I am thinking about changing some of my "friends" because I am thinking I need to be happier. I am also thinking of breaking ties with some people and weed out the bad and bring in more good to my life.
I noticed that even my son is always telling me how I need to change. I think that I change so much that I don't know who I am at times. I change for each individual that I am around. I think that I try to be more like them when I am around them that I begin to actually lose myself and who I truly am.
I began to workout again after almost 6 years of doing no exercise. My exercise before going back to the gym was actually just getting up and out of bed in the morning. (WHOA!!!) I began to have body aches and pains and was uncomfortable in my own body. I somehow managed to gain about 45 lbs. in about 5 years.
I was usually a svelt 105lbs. and a size 3 at 5' 6 3/4" since high school and even after giving birth to my son. Needless to say, that was 6 years ago, then, this past November, with the nudging of a friend, I decided to join a gym. I have lost most of the 45lbs. of fat that I had gained, but I am not back into a size 3, but a size 4 or 6 will be fine with me. I do, however, weigh more than I did before but am much more fit than I was at 105 lbs. I am working on getting my 6-pack abs back and have gotten the first two cuts. It is really exciting for me considering 45 lbs. on my small 5' 6 3/4" frame made me look lumpy and dumpy.
Anyway, I feel good about my loss of weight and I haven't even had to change my diet. I didn't ever really eat bad, but I didn't exercise either. I was a person who ran 40 miles a week before and felt guilty when I didn't get in my workout. Now, I have balance my life and my work and still manage to workout too. So, I guess I can't actually complain. I still look young, for a 39 year old (who will soon be 40 in March). People still think that I am a lot younger than I am, they think I am in my mid-twenties. I guess that is good.
Anyway, for the most part I don't like the way a lot of people take advantage of me. My family and my friends most of all. I would say that they most fair-minded people in my life are my bosses. Yes, I have two of them. I would say, for the most part, that they are two of the best bosses anyone could ever ask for. I think that they are pretty cool people for bosses.
Anyway, these are my thoughts for today before I "sign-off" (read: sleep). I pray to any higher powers out there that hears my prayers to help my son become a nicer person toward me. I ask of that higher power to guide him in his daily life and help him to mature and "see the light". I pray for his safety and for for health. I pray for his metal well-being and for more self-control.
My son, he is not a bad person, however, he does have the propensity to swears at me, calls me names, and screams obsenities at me when he doesn't get his way. He has no self-control, he blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life, and for the things he does wrong that I "cause" him to do, such as yelling at me. He says he has to do it is because I don't do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it and it is the only way he can get through to me (although he still doesn't get his way).
See, according to my POV, since I am the parent, I get the unfortunate "last word"! And that is final. He says that I am too stubborn to change my ways. He believes that we could get along much better if it weren't for my STUBBORNESS. He truly believes that if I would just listen to him and his advice and do what he wants me to, then he wouldn't have to treat me "that way". He believes that he is not responsible for his actions and how he treats me because it is my fault because I don't "listen" to him and I make him mad. See, I am the cause of his angst towards me and he has nothing to do with it.
So, to any higher powers out there in this vast universe, please help me to help him. Please guide me and give me temperance to endure this horrrible "stage" and patience to go forth in my life. I am thinking about changing some of my "friends" because I am thinking I need to be happier. I am also thinking of breaking ties with some people and weed out the bad and bring in more good to my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment