I don't like my son. He is not a nice person. He swears at me and calls me names and I am sick and tired of it. I wish that he didn't live with me. I do not like him and wish he would move out. I can't wait until he is 18 years old and is out on his own, or so he "threatens". He is disrespectful. He is rude. He is self-centered. He is hurtful.
I can't stand my own child and I don't even like him one bit. There is nothing about him that I like. It is sad. It is pathetic. I am not a bad person, I think that I am a rather good person. I am always there to help other people in need. I am always there to lend a helping hand to others and I am willing to bend over backwards for people.
I think that my son's views of me are so warped. I am going to make a promise to not engage his angry tirades anymore. I am going to continue to ignore him and just disengage him. He has no job, he does nothing around the house to help out at all. He eats and just leaves his dishes. He never has nothing nice to say. He is a slob and his room is a mess. He has temper tantrums and throws and breaks things in the house and never replaces them although he says he will. He never admits to my parents as to how things break, he lies every single time. He is a liar and thinks that he is telling the truth, but it is only the "truth" as he sees it. He is emotionally immature and childish. Every time he doesn't get his way he throws things around the house and breaks things and then saying it is my fault that he does these things because I "make" him do it. He says if I would just do what he tells me to do, then he would not have to do these thing. The worst part is that he truly believes it.
I am so tired of him and I don't think that I can take much more from him. I truly think that there is something psychologically wrong with him. He believes that he raised himself and that no one has had a hand in it. He thinks that he bought all of his own clothes since the 7th grade. He thinks that I have not bought him a single thing since the 7th grade...he was 5'4" in the 7th grade and is now 5'11". I don't know how I could get away with not buying him a single thing since the 7th grade. He thinks that he has had to pay for all his clothes. All he has paid for is the things that I would not buy for him when they were not on sale. If he were not willing to wait for a sale, then I told him to buy it himself. When it went on sale he wanted me to give him the money for the sale price and he would pay the difference. I said no because he is not willing to wait until things go on sale, I am not going to bargain with him.
He orders me around constantly and wonders why I am angry at him. He does not say please or thank you because he said I expect it. To me it is just common decency and respectful when someone does something for you or you are asking something of someone. He doesn't tell me where he is going, he leaves the house and then calls me up whenever he wants and tells me to come and pick him up without even a please. He says, "thanks" like he doesn't even mean it and he say it like it is such a pain for him to do it.
Recently at Costco my son was screaming at me. He called me a fucking bitch, fucking stupid, and fucking stubborn for not buying a Razor phone for him. My mom wanted a new phone. So she wanted to go to Costco. I don't know why I had to pay for a new phone for him when I gave him 2 phones and he broke them both by throwing them and breaking them both. The first one he broke because he wanted a new phone and thought that I would be forced to buy him a new phone if he broke his old one. I replaced his phone with a friend's used phone, which he also broke even though he knew it belonged to someone else and that he was supposed to take care of it.
Anyway, I now have a new 2-year contract with 2 phones that I have to pay for. Before, I wanted to have 2 new phones with my old contract and they said in order to get new phones I would have to get a new contract. Recently they said I could keep my old contract with 2 new phones.
Anyway, I checked online that day and I saw that there were a bunch of free phones. I told my son to wait and lets check it out online. He didn't want to. He said that he wasn't going to wait because I refuse to buy him a new phone for seven months and it was all my fault that he was without a phone. So, we went to Costco and checked out the phones. Then we went to Verizon and check out their phones.
The Razor that he wanted was $119 at Costco and $109 at Verizon. I told him that was too much for someone who couldn't take care of two phones. I refused to buy it. He swore at me in front of the workers. Called me a fucking bitch. Screamed at me and demanded that I walk over to him and he was going to talk to me. I told him it was my money and I will spend my money anyway I want to. He was furious! He said he would buy his own phone but didn't presently have the money for it so he would have to reimburse me at a later time.
I am no fool. I don't trust him because of a recent problem when I called and asked him if he wanted me to buy a book for him that he had been wanting. I asked if he was sure because...then he interrupted me and told me I am on the phone with someone else, just buy it for me. I said, okay because you are going to have to pay me back. He said ok. When I got home, he thought he was only going to have to pay for half of it because in the past, I offered. This time I didn't offer to pay it. He was angry at me and told me I was being unfair. I told him he was being unfair by assuming that I was going to pay for it without his even asking me. He told me I was wrong for being that way. I told him that I didn't offer and he assumed. I gave him my 20% off coupon instead of using it for myself. I thought that was enough, but not according to him. He said he had the money to pay me back but wasn't about to give me it because then he wouldn't have any for himself. I had to take the money back myself by not giving him his whole $20 for his lunch. I took it out of his lunch. And the previous Friday I owed him $4 for his lunch, but only had a $20 on me, so I asked him if he had enough for his lunch for that day, he said yes, and so I told him that I would pay him later that day. Well, since the book was $14, I decided not to give him the $4 that I owed him. He kept bugging me for it but I kept telling him he owed me for the book.
So, anyway, that is why I would not lend him the money to buy him something that I know that I won't be getting the money back. He thinks that I am a bank or something. That he can just pay me back whenever he feel like without any sense of responsibility or paying back in a timely manner. He owes me so much money from other things that he has never paid for, but I will never get the money from him, just like I won't ever see any back child support for his dead-beat dad. Cut from the same cloth, those two are.
Anyway, I asked him to wait on getting the phone and since he didn't want to, I just bought the Samsung phone for him. I told him if he waited we might be able to find the Razor online for free. He told me to stop being so fucking stupid because no one is going to be giving away a free Razor phone because they are new phones. I told him that I thought that I saw it online for free. But he was not going to have any part of it, he was not waiting.
Anyway, he also wanted text messaging and to be able to play on the web and to download ringtones and other stuff as he pleases. I again said no because I would have to chase him around for the money and I am not going to go through that much trouble every month. He said that it was his phone and that I am going to give him what he wants. I again said no. He thinks that he can order me around and I am his little minnion and that I will do his bidding. I won't. He can't be trusted. He is a liar and will not uphold his end and will give me excuse as to why he can't pay me. I won't do it. I told him when he gets his own phone and his own full-time job, he can get whatever kind of phone that he wants.
So, that is that part of the story. Then you will never guess what happened. As luck would have it, we get an ad in the mail the very next day saying that the Razor was free online. He wanted me to take back his phone and get him the Razor for free. I said that I wasn't going to do it because it was too much trouble and I already told him the day before to be patient and he wouldn't. Also, I told him that I am stupid and that no one is giving those away for free! So, I guess I get the last laugh.
God, please help me to find patience with this rotten spoiled child who believe in his heart that he has raised himself and that no one ever cared about him. We have only been trying to be supportive towards him and to be there for him. He really thinks that no one has ever helped him with anything and that he has had to fend for himself. He has had 2 IPODs. his own television, a boom box, 2 PSPs, VCR, DVD player, Gameboy Advance, Gameboy color, Gameboy pocket, Nintendo, computer, karate lessons, extracurricular activities, basketball since the age of 4, roller hockey lessons, bowling lessons, ice-hockey lessons, baseball, summer school, summer camps, church camps, trips to Hawaii, and much more. He thinks he is neglected. I try to attend all of his games and tried to be supportive although he told me to get lost and don't come, I still went.
Please Lord, help this child to realize that there are people who have it worse than he does and that his life is a rather good one. Help me to find peace within myself. Lord give me the strength to endure him and his will. God I am in your hands. I am your's to do your will. Please Lord, give me the will to go on and endure this troubled path. Enlighten my child and give him the wisdom to realize that he is not and never was a neglected child. God, I did my best as a single parent with a rotten ex who did not ever give our son the love and attention that he craved from his father. Help him to find peace in his heart and mind. Godspeed to us all. Amen.
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