I watch myself as I am slowly going insane. I see it all happening. I try to avoid having confrontations with my 17 year old. Even when I try to help him or do things for him he treats me like crap.
For example, he just leaves his dinner dishes in the sink for someone else (me)to do. He knows he should clean up after himself, but he refuses. To make matters worse, my parents feel that if he doesn't want to clean up after himself, I should shut up and just do it myself so I don't have to argue with him about it.
My parents are very unsupportive. They just don't want to hear us talking to each other. Everytime we talk to each other my father accuses us of arguing with each other even when we are just talking to each other. He says, "There they go again!" Meaning that we are arguing, but we are not, and we are just talking to each other.
I work all day, my parents are both retired and just kind of do household kind of stuff and take my son places, my son is 17 years old and without a job. He is just sitting at home everyday during the summertime doing nothing but going to the beach, going out with his friends, hanging out with his friends, watching television til the wee hours of the morning, watching movies,and playing violent games on his playstation endlessly.
I am going through group counseling, it helps me keep some sort of semblence of "sanity". My kid thinks that I hate him because he reminds me of his father. The truth of the matter is he doesn't remind me of his father. The only thing that is similar between him and his father is their attitude towards me, they both feel that I have ruined their lives. I recently found out from my son one day while we were arguing that all these years my ex had been telling him that I took away his family. I ruined their lives. When in fact his father was abusive towards me and I left.
I really don't hate my kid, I just don't like him as a person. He is rude, lazy, spoiled, manipulative, a liar. He swears at me and calls me names all the time. His everyday language towards me is abusive (just like his father). He uses the F-words towards me every day. He doesn't want to say please or thank you because he says I expect it and I am wrong for expecting him to say those words because it is just a formality.
He tries to order me around and when I don't do what he wants he starts in on me telling me I never do anything for him and that no one cares about him and that he has raised himself and we (my parents and I) have done absolutely nothing for him. He really believes that I just abuse him and take advantage of him. That I am lazy and stupid and don't know anything.
Even when he comes to me for help he is calling me stupid because I don't always understand what he is asking me. When I make him do things for himself so he can learn to take care of his own business, he calls me a lazy bitch who won't do anything for him. To me, it is like the old addage, "If a man is hungry and you give him a fish to eat, he will eat for the day, but if you teach him to fish he can eat everyday." That is what I am trying to do, instill things into him so that he can one day take care of himself, it isn't like I just tell him to figure it out for himself, I stand there and help him through the process.
Anyway, I am just frustrated today because he yelled at me saying, "You didn't even fucking get me anything to eat tonight." I replied by saying, "I don't understand. You are going to have to explain this to me because I am confused." Then, he waves his hand (signaling to me that I am dismissed)and says to me, "Can you just leave and get the fuck out of my room!" I don't understand because my mom made dinner for everyone and she called him to come and eat dinner but he didn't go and eat. So, I don't understand what the problem was, he wouldn't say anything to me after that and didn't try to explain it to me. Maybe he is schizophrenic...at least that would explain the bizarre behavior.
For example, he just leaves his dinner dishes in the sink for someone else (me)to do. He knows he should clean up after himself, but he refuses. To make matters worse, my parents feel that if he doesn't want to clean up after himself, I should shut up and just do it myself so I don't have to argue with him about it.
My parents are very unsupportive. They just don't want to hear us talking to each other. Everytime we talk to each other my father accuses us of arguing with each other even when we are just talking to each other. He says, "There they go again!" Meaning that we are arguing, but we are not, and we are just talking to each other.
I work all day, my parents are both retired and just kind of do household kind of stuff and take my son places, my son is 17 years old and without a job. He is just sitting at home everyday during the summertime doing nothing but going to the beach, going out with his friends, hanging out with his friends, watching television til the wee hours of the morning, watching movies,and playing violent games on his playstation endlessly.
I am going through group counseling, it helps me keep some sort of semblence of "sanity". My kid thinks that I hate him because he reminds me of his father. The truth of the matter is he doesn't remind me of his father. The only thing that is similar between him and his father is their attitude towards me, they both feel that I have ruined their lives. I recently found out from my son one day while we were arguing that all these years my ex had been telling him that I took away his family. I ruined their lives. When in fact his father was abusive towards me and I left.
I really don't hate my kid, I just don't like him as a person. He is rude, lazy, spoiled, manipulative, a liar. He swears at me and calls me names all the time. His everyday language towards me is abusive (just like his father). He uses the F-words towards me every day. He doesn't want to say please or thank you because he says I expect it and I am wrong for expecting him to say those words because it is just a formality.
He tries to order me around and when I don't do what he wants he starts in on me telling me I never do anything for him and that no one cares about him and that he has raised himself and we (my parents and I) have done absolutely nothing for him. He really believes that I just abuse him and take advantage of him. That I am lazy and stupid and don't know anything.
Even when he comes to me for help he is calling me stupid because I don't always understand what he is asking me. When I make him do things for himself so he can learn to take care of his own business, he calls me a lazy bitch who won't do anything for him. To me, it is like the old addage, "If a man is hungry and you give him a fish to eat, he will eat for the day, but if you teach him to fish he can eat everyday." That is what I am trying to do, instill things into him so that he can one day take care of himself, it isn't like I just tell him to figure it out for himself, I stand there and help him through the process.
Anyway, I am just frustrated today because he yelled at me saying, "You didn't even fucking get me anything to eat tonight." I replied by saying, "I don't understand. You are going to have to explain this to me because I am confused." Then, he waves his hand (signaling to me that I am dismissed)and says to me, "Can you just leave and get the fuck out of my room!" I don't understand because my mom made dinner for everyone and she called him to come and eat dinner but he didn't go and eat. So, I don't understand what the problem was, he wouldn't say anything to me after that and didn't try to explain it to me. Maybe he is schizophrenic...at least that would explain the bizarre behavior.
1 comment:
I think my son has a problem too, I have asked him to go to counseling with me but he told me that I was the crazy bitch who needs help, so I went by myself. It just helps me to know that I am not alone in my frustrations and sadness for my son. He can't see that what he is does is wrong. He feels that there isn't anything wrong with what he does and feels that he has a perfect right to speak his mind. He thinks that my telling him not to swear at me and call me names is because I am a control freak, it has nothing to do with the fact that it is just plain rude to speak to someone in that manner. Anyway, I hope that your sister will one d ay see the error of her way like my son...
Post a Comment